Definitely NOT a Christian.

Hello all! Long time no see!

   It's been six months since my last post in April and so much has changed. I finally quit my job at the restaurant; it just got to be too much. My soul was slowly dying under the strain of trying to please people and work with people who would never be pleased, no matter how hard I tried. I also moved away from my beautiful apartment and the awful/delusional roommate to a much bigger apartment with an amazing roommate-- in New Jersey.

   Jersey was definitely not my first choice but I have a basement for storage, a back yard with a small patio and enough room for Daisy to run just a little bit. I have a huge room with a normal sized closet and a roommate who is fast becoming a dear friend of mine. Despite the changes each of us is experiencing, we have made a home for ourselves and our animals. My new roommate has two hilarious cats (with personalities rivaling the size of Texas) and a very special, lamb-like jack russell who, bless his little heart, never gives up trying to win a game of tug of war with an opponent five times his weight.

   I began my new 40-hour a week,  big girl office job in the beginning of June. It was very difficult and very stressful in the beginning because I was not prepared to be thrown into a job I had no idea how to do. I made a lot of mistakes, discovered I had a major nutritional imbalance (which highly affected the quality of work I was doing), took a crash course in how business is done in the Big Apple, but ultimately discovered that I have indeed made it in the city. I am fully supporting myself and my dog. My rent is paid every month. I eat multiple times a day (way more than I was eating in college). I even manage to go shopping without having to resort to Ramen for a week. Life is settling down and it's lovely.

   The downside to all of this is that I had to put my music away for a few months. I was in survival mode and couldn't handle something extra. I even considered for some time that I no longer wanted to be a singer, that I would rather move home to Texas, get a similar job, find a husband and have a family. But that's not what I've been called to do. God gave me this gift and whether I like it or not, whether it's a normal life or not, I have to honor it and utilize it. I never thought it was a coincidence that the word they use in the biblical parable translates to "talent" in English. That's one of those mysterious but ultimately fascinating things God does, just because he can.

This brings me to why I felt compelled to write a blog today: Christianity in the dating world.

I, as a mid-twenties single woman, have been dating for some time. Sometimes seriously, sometimes just for fun. I am also trying to make friends in this weirdo city where there are millions of people but no one seems to be capable ofspeaking to one another on a crowded bus. In meeting the amount of new people here that I have, I have noticed this very odd thing. People as a general rule don't claim Christianity here. (That is to say, there are some brilliantly brave individuals who shine and fully declare themselves, the world be damned. I salute you, friends.) The majority of people I have met consider themselves atheistic or agnostic. They are definitely NOT Christians. But upon my asking questions (because I am a Christian) I have noticed some really strange trends:

1. They really do believe in God, they just don't practice "religion." By this I mean, maybe they "talk" to their version of God, but they don't pray... What? Isn't that all prayer is? Speaking to an unseen God? Meditating on what the "Universe" has to tell you? Finding answers from somewhere other than a book, a shrink, or a mentor? There is this stigma around "prayer" that you have to be kneeling or fold your hands, or maybe it has to have a certain format. "Dear God/Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. [insert personalized request here] Bless our troops, keep them safe/Bless this food, that it may nourish our bodies. [prayer for the sick/homeless/less fortunate] In Christ's name, amen." But what if your prayer is simply, "I need help today. I can't do it alone." I find it fascinating that people who are "definitely not Christian" still ask for help from whatever unseen "God" they talk to.

2. They really do believe in God (maybe even admit to praying, *gasp*) but they refuse to go to church. "The church is corrupt" "I just don't have time" "I can't stand the hypocrisy" When did church become a punishment? When did church become an only Sunday morning deal? Why do we not believe the scripture that says, "When any two are gathered in my name, I am there." ?? It's so sad to me that going to church means you have to wear a dress or a suit, carry a Bible, act like your life is perfect, and then go home like nothing has changed.

3. They believe in God (or a higher power. Sure, ok, if saying higher power makes you feel better...) but they are jaded. "God" has never helped them. "God" doesn't do anything. "God" lets bad things happen. "God" ignores the hungry. I'm sorry, but if you see hungry/homeless people and they are alive, they are finding food. It may not be the gourmet, pre-packaged, microwaveable crap you eat; but they are in fact being fed (quite frequently they are overweight, which truly baffles me). Humans die after no food or water for three days. They may not shower with hot water every morning like you, but maybe they like being dirty. Maybe that helps them get more handouts from people who feel badly that they are "not eating." God feeds wild animals. God provides shelter. It might not be a penthouse quite, but no one ever died from getting a little wet in the rain. If you have clothes on your back, a bed to sleep in, and someone who cares whether you are happy, you are richly blessed. But why then is it crazy to call that God? Why not give credit where credit is due?

The theme here: They really do believe in God. But they are definitely NOT a Christian. ...WHAT?

The funny thing is, I have not spoken to one person who considers himself an "atheist" who does not at least believe in a "higher power." It's laughable really. You say you don't like the church for hypocrisy, yet you build your personal identity around not believing; but you still believe in something. What? In what caricatured cartoon would this make sense??? What happened to confidence? Standing up for who you are? Believe in something or don't. Be hot or cold, don't be lukewarm, wishy washy, namby pamby. No one likes a pansy.

It's so sad that we live in a world where believing in something is so bad.

So this is my rant for today. I hope I'm not the only one who's noticed this. But maybe one person who reads this blog will come out of their religious closet and say, "I am a Christian."