I did it y'all! I passed my test at the restaurant and am now a server at one of the nicest restaurants in Staten Island. After Hurricane Sandy, a lot of places closed down and this will be the prime candidate for a gorgeous night out. I wish you guys could see this restaurant. It is just south of the Verrazano Bridge, right on the boardwalk of the south beach in S.I. During the day, you can see out over the water clear to Europe. And at night, the bridge lights up and the lights bounce off of the water. It is just beautiful.
I've been told it is a part-time gig but some of the servers and managers seem to think it is a full time commitment. We shall see. I am just happy to have income now. I will get a check on Monday for all the training I've been doing and hopefully will get my first night of tips on Sunday night! I'm not feeling as excited as I should be though. The other waiters are trying to psych me out about how busy it can get and how crazy and they don't have confidence that I can handle it. It scares me, honestly. I'm not even sure I can. Every time I study a lot and go in confident, they rip me apart with things I don't know. They make me second guess myself at every step and I don't like functioning in that environment. It is not positive and not conducive to a confident waiter... I dunno. I'm not sure it will work out but hey it's a job for now. It will pay the bills.
Second thing: I applied for the Licia Albanese Puccini Competition in two weeks. I sent my resume and application in today. Lordy was that an adventure! Tears were cried, offense was taken, anxiety was held at bay, but forgiveness was ultimately given. I finally had all of the documents I needed today and I found a very cheap copy/print place on the upper west side that charged me only $5.37 to print an 8x10 photo, two color resumes, a color song list, two recommendation letters, the actual application, and that price included the three envelopes I needed to make this application happen. But they didn't sell stamps. So then I had to go to the bank and lo and behold! They sell stamps at the ATM!! (Crazy, right??) So I bought stamps and needed to find a postal drop box. I walked out of the bank and there just happened to be a postman unloading his truck. I asked him where the nearest drop box was, he holds out his hand and says, "Here!" So he took my envelope for me. Of course, this entire adventure made me an hour late for my server test. So that was cool. But the application was sent.
Mignon believes I will win this competition. I have no such high hopes for my very first competition but I will do my best!! I am excited to have a performance to look forward to! She has been so good for me. My voice is sounding better than it ever had and it finally sounds like my one true voice rather than several voices I may be imitating or affecting. It's wonderful!
It's funny though, how that works. When someone has faith in you and roots for you, you can do incredible things. But when someone doubts your ability and continues to tell you you can't or won't do well, you start to believe it. Why does that work? I have always been confident in myself and my abilities and worth. What makes working at the South Fin Grill any different than singing for a teacher who doesn't care for my learning style? Or vocal color? Or work ethic? Why is it that when there is that little seed of doubt, all talent and potential go out the window. Fear and Doubt are so crippling. They are. They make the bearer feel unworthy and inadequate.
So since I'm a God-fearin', Heaven-prayin' kind of girl, would you all pray for me in this? Pray for the environment at the restaurant and that my spirits will be lifted, rather than beaten down. Pray that I do well in this competition and make a good impression on those hearing me for the first time. (It is my first debut as a young artist!) Just keep me on your mind, on your list of people to pray for. I need some extra support. The homesickness is at an all-time high and it is not looking like I will be able to go home until the Fall, if I can even afford it by then.
I know this post is not the most positive. But things are changing and things are happening. That's what I came here for, right? Change. And destiny. I firmly believe God brought me here to this place for a purpose. He gave me the Women of Christ at the church to sing with and to become friends with. He gave me a job that will pay the bills. He brought a man into my life who makes me feel beautiful and amazing and like I deserve everything in the world, though I'm not ready for a full relationship yet (which is smart on God's part since he happens to live in Europe for the moment!). So with that, I leave you with these thoughts:
Everything happens for a reason. Destiny always gets its own way. And if you step back and listen to what God and His universe are telling you, you may end up in a life you never dreamed for yourself, with blessings you never imagined. Open your heart and listen.
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