Has anyone else ever hated a job they were grateful to get? I've started a new job at a higher-end restaurant than I have ever worked at, and it's a very frustrating process. I have to know the menu inside and out, including the wine and drink menu. I have to take my test on Wednesday. I'm not sure yet if I'm ready. They still ask a lot of questions I have to think about a little bit before I can answer. But the worst part is the training. The guy they have me training with is nice and very good at his own job but he is not a very good trainer. For example, yesterday I arrived at 4pm on time and he gave me side work to do. Then around 5:30 he comes over and tells me I'm taking tables all by myself and not to screw it up. He said I'd be fine, I knew the stuff and blah blah. But I freaked out. I was not mentally prepared to take a table yet completely alone. Then once my table was finished, I stood around waiting to be told what to do. In general, he teaches me one thing, does a completely different thing, and the other trainer has to come back and reteach me all over again. Another server had me polish and stock almost three hundred glasses. Then realized that they had to break down the tables at the end of the night and now there was no room for the glasses already out. They expect me to know things that are not on the menu. The menu they gave me is a customer menu, not a server's menu. It doesn't have all the allergies listed, it doesn't have every ingredient listed. It doesn't talk about the flavors or ideas behind the dish. I have been training for a week now and I am not prepared. They keep telling me the money is worth it but they pool their tips and get $80 a piece at the end of the night. Not going to pay my rent. All of this to say, I have no idea what I'm doing at my new job or even if it's going to work out. But I need the money so desperately, I can't afford not to see it through...
I have been living on pb&j sandwiches and pasta for weeks. I have to scrounge for quarters for the bus. Daisy eats boiled chicken breast and green beans when I can't afford dog food. Every now and then I buy myself a can of Coca Cola and a Dove dark chocolate bar as a treat. And then I kick myself for a week for spending money on so many calories and sugar, with no nutrition in sight. But it sure is delicious....
And then I realize how much time I spend on my commute. To my office job, I spend six hours a week. To the restaurant, I spend four. Nevermind the hour and a half in one direction it takes me to get to my lesson and the hour it takes me to get anywhere in the city for any other reason. That's at least thirteen hours a week I spend on commute. For comparison: at university, I spent roughly four hours a week on commute. In Austin, maybe six. Of course I had a car then and don't have to pay for gas now. But I do have to pay $2.50 per train ride and buying the monthly just isn't worth it unless I ride a train or bus at least twice per day. I don't go out enough for that.
I know that I am living my dream. I know that I am lucky to be here. And if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth it. I know all the earworms out there. But it is hard. And it is frustrating. And I don't necessarily have a direction. That's part of why I haven't been writing as much. I'm just not sure what I'm doing and I'm even less sure of what to tell you I'm doing! So bear with me while I sort my life out. It's snowing again here. I am beginning to get tired of being wet everytime I walk in a building here. But I guess that is a small price to pay to be in my dream city right?
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