I have been in a big girl, corporate, 8-5 job for about four and a half months. I have also been in a brand new city, cultivating a brand new life and getting hit in the face with reality outside of the educational world for about nine months. There are some things I've learned that I sorely wish someone would have told me, maybe to not to stop it from happening, but if only to be prepared for it. This is what I have learned.
--There is no such thing as passing with a 70% in the real world. All of those years in school where the idea is to try your best and aim for the A but if you make a B it's still great and as long as you pass, you're doing well? Crap. Complete and utter crap. If you make mistakes in the real world, you cost your company money, you cost customers/clients money, you get fined if you get audited. There is a world of chaos just waiting to devour you if you do not do one hundred percent CORRECT work, one hundred percent of the time.
--Waking up early, enjoying an hour of silence and peace while the world is still sleeping is GLORIOUS. Anyone who knows me knows I abhor waking up early. I am a Godzilla/Sleeping-Beauty-Dragon-Queen mutant if I am woken up even ten minutes before I have to be. But there are days when, as an adult with sleeping issues, I find myself lying awake at 5 in the morning, wondering why I am up at the ever dreaded hour before dawn. Some of these days, I drag my butt out of bed, make some coffee, and head out to my patio. I get a smidgen of a moment of silence in my day to do what I want. Nothing has gone disastrous yet and I get this little tingle behind my face (is that a smile in the morning??) And the world is my oyster, for one shallow little hour in the morning. Sometimes I read a book, the Bible, the news; sometimes I sing to myself. But that can make the difference between a regular old day and a treasure I finally have the time and energy to discover.
--Change purses often. Or backpacks or sports bags. (Or, God forbid, that man-purse satchel you'd die if anyone knew you had.) Not just for fashion or function, but because it makes you decide what is really important to have with you. Sure it's nice to keep lotion, a nail file, deodorant and body spray in case you forget, a pocket knife, a granola bar, extra make up in case you go somewhere, a comb, flats in case your shoes hurt, a small animal in case you get lonely and a brick in case you run into that jerk from work on the street. But really, you don't NEED these things. You will survive the day without your creature comforts. Life will go on. I present to you the man chant: Phone, keys, wallet, and watch. (Most don't even really need the watch anymore, but go with it anyway.) Chant to yourself before you leave the house: Phone, keys, wallet, and watch. You'll be prepared to handle anything disastrous. Say it, everybody!! Phone, keys, wallet, and watch. I learned this from some guy friend of mine (possibly an ex? Who remembers?) forever ago and it keeps things in perspective. Not only is this all you really need, but it's all that really matters. *Bonus!* You can also do a preemptive strike on the mountain of receipts, business cards, bobby pins, spare change, lint from last year, the gum you'll never actually chew, and the book you forgot you were reading halfway through. Imagine the possibilities!
Which brings me to my last bit of advice:
--Keep things in perspective. I'm currently reading a book that was authored by a man with locked in syndrome. (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby. Buy it, you really won't be sorry). I say authored because the man has full use of his mind but his body is completely motionless. Except for his left eye. Maybe you have a few aches and pains and maybe your life isn't everything you wanted it to be. But life's a journey, not a destination. Take it as it comes and never once believe that you're not enough. Money will always come when it's needed and food will always happen. Quit worrying about all the crap you have no control over. At the end of the day, everything works out the way it's supposed to and if it's not meant to be, it won't. If it is, it will.
It's all about balance. I guess that's really the theme here. Balance the urgency with which you perform a task with your desire to do it well and correctly. Balance your busy time with your quiet time. Balance your expectations of yourself and others with reality. I will be the first to admit I suck at remembering this quite frequently but the moments that I do, I give myself a silent, happy little high five.
And that's enough :)
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Definitely NOT a Christian.
Hello all! Long time no see!
It's been six months since my last post in April and so much has changed. I finally quit my job at the restaurant; it just got to be too much. My soul was slowly dying under the strain of trying to please people and work with people who would never be pleased, no matter how hard I tried. I also moved away from my beautiful apartment and the awful/delusional roommate to a much bigger apartment with an amazing roommate-- in New Jersey.
Jersey was definitely not my first choice but I have a basement for storage, a back yard with a small patio and enough room for Daisy to run just a little bit. I have a huge room with a normal sized closet and a roommate who is fast becoming a dear friend of mine. Despite the changes each of us is experiencing, we have made a home for ourselves and our animals. My new roommate has two hilarious cats (with personalities rivaling the size of Texas) and a very special, lamb-like jack russell who, bless his little heart, never gives up trying to win a game of tug of war with an opponent five times his weight.
I began my new 40-hour a week, big girl office job in the beginning of June. It was very difficult and very stressful in the beginning because I was not prepared to be thrown into a job I had no idea how to do. I made a lot of mistakes, discovered I had a major nutritional imbalance (which highly affected the quality of work I was doing), took a crash course in how business is done in the Big Apple, but ultimately discovered that I have indeed made it in the city. I am fully supporting myself and my dog. My rent is paid every month. I eat multiple times a day (way more than I was eating in college). I even manage to go shopping without having to resort to Ramen for a week. Life is settling down and it's lovely.
The downside to all of this is that I had to put my music away for a few months. I was in survival mode and couldn't handle something extra. I even considered for some time that I no longer wanted to be a singer, that I would rather move home to Texas, get a similar job, find a husband and have a family. But that's not what I've been called to do. God gave me this gift and whether I like it or not, whether it's a normal life or not, I have to honor it and utilize it. I never thought it was a coincidence that the word they use in the biblical parable translates to "talent" in English. That's one of those mysterious but ultimately fascinating things God does, just because he can.
This brings me to why I felt compelled to write a blog today: Christianity in the dating world.
I, as a mid-twenties single woman, have been dating for some time. Sometimes seriously, sometimes just for fun. I am also trying to make friends in this weirdo city where there are millions of people but no one seems to be capable ofspeaking to one another on a crowded bus. In meeting the amount of new people here that I have, I have noticed this very odd thing. People as a general rule don't claim Christianity here. (That is to say, there are some brilliantly brave individuals who shine and fully declare themselves, the world be damned. I salute you, friends.) The majority of people I have met consider themselves atheistic or agnostic. They are definitely NOT Christians. But upon my asking questions (because I am a Christian) I have noticed some really strange trends:
1. They really do believe in God, they just don't practice "religion." By this I mean, maybe they "talk" to their version of God, but they don't pray... What? Isn't that all prayer is? Speaking to an unseen God? Meditating on what the "Universe" has to tell you? Finding answers from somewhere other than a book, a shrink, or a mentor? There is this stigma around "prayer" that you have to be kneeling or fold your hands, or maybe it has to have a certain format. "Dear God/Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. [insert personalized request here] Bless our troops, keep them safe/Bless this food, that it may nourish our bodies. [prayer for the sick/homeless/less fortunate] In Christ's name, amen." But what if your prayer is simply, "I need help today. I can't do it alone." I find it fascinating that people who are "definitely not Christian" still ask for help from whatever unseen "God" they talk to.
2. They really do believe in God (maybe even admit to praying, *gasp*) but they refuse to go to church. "The church is corrupt" "I just don't have time" "I can't stand the hypocrisy" When did church become a punishment? When did church become an only Sunday morning deal? Why do we not believe the scripture that says, "When any two are gathered in my name, I am there." ?? It's so sad to me that going to church means you have to wear a dress or a suit, carry a Bible, act like your life is perfect, and then go home like nothing has changed.
3. They believe in God (or a higher power. Sure, ok, if saying higher power makes you feel better...) but they are jaded. "God" has never helped them. "God" doesn't do anything. "God" lets bad things happen. "God" ignores the hungry. I'm sorry, but if you see hungry/homeless people and they are alive, they are finding food. It may not be the gourmet, pre-packaged, microwaveable crap you eat; but they are in fact being fed (quite frequently they are overweight, which truly baffles me). Humans die after no food or water for three days. They may not shower with hot water every morning like you, but maybe they like being dirty. Maybe that helps them get more handouts from people who feel badly that they are "not eating." God feeds wild animals. God provides shelter. It might not be a penthouse quite, but no one ever died from getting a little wet in the rain. If you have clothes on your back, a bed to sleep in, and someone who cares whether you are happy, you are richly blessed. But why then is it crazy to call that God? Why not give credit where credit is due?
The theme here: They really do believe in God. But they are definitely NOT a Christian. ...WHAT?
The funny thing is, I have not spoken to one person who considers himself an "atheist" who does not at least believe in a "higher power." It's laughable really. You say you don't like the church for hypocrisy, yet you build your personal identity around not believing; but you still believe in something. What? In what caricatured cartoon would this make sense??? What happened to confidence? Standing up for who you are? Believe in something or don't. Be hot or cold, don't be lukewarm, wishy washy, namby pamby. No one likes a pansy.
It's so sad that we live in a world where believing in something is so bad.
So this is my rant for today. I hope I'm not the only one who's noticed this. But maybe one person who reads this blog will come out of their religious closet and say, "I am a Christian."
It's been six months since my last post in April and so much has changed. I finally quit my job at the restaurant; it just got to be too much. My soul was slowly dying under the strain of trying to please people and work with people who would never be pleased, no matter how hard I tried. I also moved away from my beautiful apartment and the awful/delusional roommate to a much bigger apartment with an amazing roommate-- in New Jersey.
Jersey was definitely not my first choice but I have a basement for storage, a back yard with a small patio and enough room for Daisy to run just a little bit. I have a huge room with a normal sized closet and a roommate who is fast becoming a dear friend of mine. Despite the changes each of us is experiencing, we have made a home for ourselves and our animals. My new roommate has two hilarious cats (with personalities rivaling the size of Texas) and a very special, lamb-like jack russell who, bless his little heart, never gives up trying to win a game of tug of war with an opponent five times his weight.
I began my new 40-hour a week, big girl office job in the beginning of June. It was very difficult and very stressful in the beginning because I was not prepared to be thrown into a job I had no idea how to do. I made a lot of mistakes, discovered I had a major nutritional imbalance (which highly affected the quality of work I was doing), took a crash course in how business is done in the Big Apple, but ultimately discovered that I have indeed made it in the city. I am fully supporting myself and my dog. My rent is paid every month. I eat multiple times a day (way more than I was eating in college). I even manage to go shopping without having to resort to Ramen for a week. Life is settling down and it's lovely.
The downside to all of this is that I had to put my music away for a few months. I was in survival mode and couldn't handle something extra. I even considered for some time that I no longer wanted to be a singer, that I would rather move home to Texas, get a similar job, find a husband and have a family. But that's not what I've been called to do. God gave me this gift and whether I like it or not, whether it's a normal life or not, I have to honor it and utilize it. I never thought it was a coincidence that the word they use in the biblical parable translates to "talent" in English. That's one of those mysterious but ultimately fascinating things God does, just because he can.
This brings me to why I felt compelled to write a blog today: Christianity in the dating world.
I, as a mid-twenties single woman, have been dating for some time. Sometimes seriously, sometimes just for fun. I am also trying to make friends in this weirdo city where there are millions of people but no one seems to be capable ofspeaking to one another on a crowded bus. In meeting the amount of new people here that I have, I have noticed this very odd thing. People as a general rule don't claim Christianity here. (That is to say, there are some brilliantly brave individuals who shine and fully declare themselves, the world be damned. I salute you, friends.) The majority of people I have met consider themselves atheistic or agnostic. They are definitely NOT Christians. But upon my asking questions (because I am a Christian) I have noticed some really strange trends:
1. They really do believe in God, they just don't practice "religion." By this I mean, maybe they "talk" to their version of God, but they don't pray... What? Isn't that all prayer is? Speaking to an unseen God? Meditating on what the "Universe" has to tell you? Finding answers from somewhere other than a book, a shrink, or a mentor? There is this stigma around "prayer" that you have to be kneeling or fold your hands, or maybe it has to have a certain format. "Dear God/Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. [insert personalized request here] Bless our troops, keep them safe/Bless this food, that it may nourish our bodies. [prayer for the sick/homeless/less fortunate] In Christ's name, amen." But what if your prayer is simply, "I need help today. I can't do it alone." I find it fascinating that people who are "definitely not Christian" still ask for help from whatever unseen "God" they talk to.
2. They really do believe in God (maybe even admit to praying, *gasp*) but they refuse to go to church. "The church is corrupt" "I just don't have time" "I can't stand the hypocrisy" When did church become a punishment? When did church become an only Sunday morning deal? Why do we not believe the scripture that says, "When any two are gathered in my name, I am there." ?? It's so sad to me that going to church means you have to wear a dress or a suit, carry a Bible, act like your life is perfect, and then go home like nothing has changed.
3. They believe in God (or a higher power. Sure, ok, if saying higher power makes you feel better...) but they are jaded. "God" has never helped them. "God" doesn't do anything. "God" lets bad things happen. "God" ignores the hungry. I'm sorry, but if you see hungry/homeless people and they are alive, they are finding food. It may not be the gourmet, pre-packaged, microwaveable crap you eat; but they are in fact being fed (quite frequently they are overweight, which truly baffles me). Humans die after no food or water for three days. They may not shower with hot water every morning like you, but maybe they like being dirty. Maybe that helps them get more handouts from people who feel badly that they are "not eating." God feeds wild animals. God provides shelter. It might not be a penthouse quite, but no one ever died from getting a little wet in the rain. If you have clothes on your back, a bed to sleep in, and someone who cares whether you are happy, you are richly blessed. But why then is it crazy to call that God? Why not give credit where credit is due?
The theme here: They really do believe in God. But they are definitely NOT a Christian. ...WHAT?
The funny thing is, I have not spoken to one person who considers himself an "atheist" who does not at least believe in a "higher power." It's laughable really. You say you don't like the church for hypocrisy, yet you build your personal identity around not believing; but you still believe in something. What? In what caricatured cartoon would this make sense??? What happened to confidence? Standing up for who you are? Believe in something or don't. Be hot or cold, don't be lukewarm, wishy washy, namby pamby. No one likes a pansy.
It's so sad that we live in a world where believing in something is so bad.
So this is my rant for today. I hope I'm not the only one who's noticed this. But maybe one person who reads this blog will come out of their religious closet and say, "I am a Christian."
Monday, April 15, 2013
The Met and the Job
I'm so sorry it has been so long since my last post! Two jobs, a career, a dog, and a boyfriend is a lot to juggle time wise!
The server position requires a lot of hours and is only just now starting to pay out as promised. I made about $200 this weekend in take home cash and if the next few weekends are similar, I should be able to save enough through the summer to move into the city in August!
The biggest problem with the server job is I am the ONLY female server in an establishment full of men. Not just men, but chauvenistic men. I am just as strong and just as capable as any of these guys I work with, but they don't let me help with the heavy lifting. They give me the grunt jobs to do and I often end up standing around doing nothing, getting yelled at for leaning, because no one will give me a job to do. I get stuck on napkin duty or roll-up detail. But when we are setting up for brunch and the biggest task is arranging the tables, one extra hand could mean the difference between leaving at 1:00am and 1:30am. It's silly. I can help. I really can. If I can't do something, I will speak up.
Which brings me to a new observation about culture up here. There women are weak. As a whole (not speaking of any individuals), women who grew up here are demanding with high expectations, but they rarely do the work themselves. A good self-respecting Texan girl is going to jump in with both hands and do what needs to be done. She is equal to the men around her, doing the same work with maybe a little more grace and class. But here? The women chew gum and ask the men to do their heavy lifting. So now the men just expect to do all the work and have learned to just tell a woman to sit and look pretty while they work. It's maddening I tell you!!! I want to work! I want to earn my paycheck! I want to feel like I do good work at my place of employment and that they have no complaint about me. It is very strange to be expected to sit and do nothing while everyone around me does all the work. There is a stark difference between chauvinism and chivalry. I don't know that men here know the difference....
Another thing about being the only woman: Men don't chat. They don't. They do their work, they complain, they argue, but they don't chat. I need to be able to laugh with someone about ridiculous customers. I need to feel empathy from someone who would understand my plight. These guys I work with are children. They treat me like I'm second rate so I go and talk to the ONE other female in the restaurant, the hostess. I consistently get yelled at for talking to her. But sometimes I truly don't want to talk about the huge knockers at table 143 or how stupid someone was when they get drunk. I don't want to hear any more about how one server is better than me or how a perfect wine bottle opening goes or the reasoning behind a certain policy. I want to talk about the sale I found at Sears or someone else's life for a change....
So that's the restaurant.
In my music world--
I auditioned for my first ever competition. We had to submit four songs for consideration with the application and recommendation letters, and then choose one to start with, knowing that they could ask for a second. I sang The Jewel Song from Faust which is a high energy, very fun and happy song with lots of opportunity for acting and plenty of play room. I may have gotten a little excited and made a few mistakes from sheer energy..... But overall I think I did fine. I didn't do as well as I could have, but I did ok. The Top Prize is $12,500. And I could really use $12,500 right about now haha! The other prizes step down from there. The winners must participate in the gala in October in order to receive their money. So I sincerely hope I win because I would love to sing at this gala and get my name out there in a positive way. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that they like me and want to give me an award to put on my resume!!
Sidenote: I saw Mignon today, who is sick, but needed some help with errands. We sat and had tea for a bit at which point she informed me she wanted me to sing for Lenore Rosenberg. Oh just another name you think? No, no. She is the casting director for the small parts and understudies AT THE MET OPERA!! Holy cow, I could sing for this woman!! It would be a dream come true of course if I could make this happen.
I also scored free tickets to see Faust last week! WOW!!! What an amazing show!! First of all, these tickets were stellar. We were on the orchestra level about ten or fifteen rows back just off the stage right aisle. Amazing. We could practically smell the actors, we were so close!! I took my very good friend, Rachel, and we had a gay old time. I just knew, I would be on that stage one day. It is so fun to be there. The red carpet, all the red velvet, the gold leafed ceiling, the beautiful wall sconces. And I'll tell you, the chandeliers alone make going to the Met worth the expense. So incredibly beautiful. The singers in Faust were amazing of course and I found the staging and set really quite fascinating. I love the Met. It is just so gorgeous.
So I think that's really it. My Italian man was here this past week and we had a few rough patches but managed to talk our way through them. Next stop is Milan for me! I can't wait! Daisy is doing great. We have found an off leash dog park in our neighborhood with some interesting, but very sweet characters. She loves running around with the other big dogs. I may have to start thinking about getting her a buddy soon... Maybe when I get a little more settled, no?
Anyway, that's my update. So sorry it took so long but thanks for reading!!
The server position requires a lot of hours and is only just now starting to pay out as promised. I made about $200 this weekend in take home cash and if the next few weekends are similar, I should be able to save enough through the summer to move into the city in August!
The biggest problem with the server job is I am the ONLY female server in an establishment full of men. Not just men, but chauvenistic men. I am just as strong and just as capable as any of these guys I work with, but they don't let me help with the heavy lifting. They give me the grunt jobs to do and I often end up standing around doing nothing, getting yelled at for leaning, because no one will give me a job to do. I get stuck on napkin duty or roll-up detail. But when we are setting up for brunch and the biggest task is arranging the tables, one extra hand could mean the difference between leaving at 1:00am and 1:30am. It's silly. I can help. I really can. If I can't do something, I will speak up.
Which brings me to a new observation about culture up here. There women are weak. As a whole (not speaking of any individuals), women who grew up here are demanding with high expectations, but they rarely do the work themselves. A good self-respecting Texan girl is going to jump in with both hands and do what needs to be done. She is equal to the men around her, doing the same work with maybe a little more grace and class. But here? The women chew gum and ask the men to do their heavy lifting. So now the men just expect to do all the work and have learned to just tell a woman to sit and look pretty while they work. It's maddening I tell you!!! I want to work! I want to earn my paycheck! I want to feel like I do good work at my place of employment and that they have no complaint about me. It is very strange to be expected to sit and do nothing while everyone around me does all the work. There is a stark difference between chauvinism and chivalry. I don't know that men here know the difference....
Another thing about being the only woman: Men don't chat. They don't. They do their work, they complain, they argue, but they don't chat. I need to be able to laugh with someone about ridiculous customers. I need to feel empathy from someone who would understand my plight. These guys I work with are children. They treat me like I'm second rate so I go and talk to the ONE other female in the restaurant, the hostess. I consistently get yelled at for talking to her. But sometimes I truly don't want to talk about the huge knockers at table 143 or how stupid someone was when they get drunk. I don't want to hear any more about how one server is better than me or how a perfect wine bottle opening goes or the reasoning behind a certain policy. I want to talk about the sale I found at Sears or someone else's life for a change....
So that's the restaurant.
In my music world--
I auditioned for my first ever competition. We had to submit four songs for consideration with the application and recommendation letters, and then choose one to start with, knowing that they could ask for a second. I sang The Jewel Song from Faust which is a high energy, very fun and happy song with lots of opportunity for acting and plenty of play room. I may have gotten a little excited and made a few mistakes from sheer energy..... But overall I think I did fine. I didn't do as well as I could have, but I did ok. The Top Prize is $12,500. And I could really use $12,500 right about now haha! The other prizes step down from there. The winners must participate in the gala in October in order to receive their money. So I sincerely hope I win because I would love to sing at this gala and get my name out there in a positive way. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that they like me and want to give me an award to put on my resume!!
Sidenote: I saw Mignon today, who is sick, but needed some help with errands. We sat and had tea for a bit at which point she informed me she wanted me to sing for Lenore Rosenberg. Oh just another name you think? No, no. She is the casting director for the small parts and understudies AT THE MET OPERA!! Holy cow, I could sing for this woman!! It would be a dream come true of course if I could make this happen.
I also scored free tickets to see Faust last week! WOW!!! What an amazing show!! First of all, these tickets were stellar. We were on the orchestra level about ten or fifteen rows back just off the stage right aisle. Amazing. We could practically smell the actors, we were so close!! I took my very good friend, Rachel, and we had a gay old time. I just knew, I would be on that stage one day. It is so fun to be there. The red carpet, all the red velvet, the gold leafed ceiling, the beautiful wall sconces. And I'll tell you, the chandeliers alone make going to the Met worth the expense. So incredibly beautiful. The singers in Faust were amazing of course and I found the staging and set really quite fascinating. I love the Met. It is just so gorgeous.
So I think that's really it. My Italian man was here this past week and we had a few rough patches but managed to talk our way through them. Next stop is Milan for me! I can't wait! Daisy is doing great. We have found an off leash dog park in our neighborhood with some interesting, but very sweet characters. She loves running around with the other big dogs. I may have to start thinking about getting her a buddy soon... Maybe when I get a little more settled, no?
Anyway, that's my update. So sorry it took so long but thanks for reading!!
Friday, March 29, 2013
A Tale of Two Milestones
I did it y'all! I passed my test at the restaurant and am now a server at one of the nicest restaurants in Staten Island. After Hurricane Sandy, a lot of places closed down and this will be the prime candidate for a gorgeous night out. I wish you guys could see this restaurant. It is just south of the Verrazano Bridge, right on the boardwalk of the south beach in S.I. During the day, you can see out over the water clear to Europe. And at night, the bridge lights up and the lights bounce off of the water. It is just beautiful.
I've been told it is a part-time gig but some of the servers and managers seem to think it is a full time commitment. We shall see. I am just happy to have income now. I will get a check on Monday for all the training I've been doing and hopefully will get my first night of tips on Sunday night! I'm not feeling as excited as I should be though. The other waiters are trying to psych me out about how busy it can get and how crazy and they don't have confidence that I can handle it. It scares me, honestly. I'm not even sure I can. Every time I study a lot and go in confident, they rip me apart with things I don't know. They make me second guess myself at every step and I don't like functioning in that environment. It is not positive and not conducive to a confident waiter... I dunno. I'm not sure it will work out but hey it's a job for now. It will pay the bills.
Second thing: I applied for the Licia Albanese Puccini Competition in two weeks. I sent my resume and application in today. Lordy was that an adventure! Tears were cried, offense was taken, anxiety was held at bay, but forgiveness was ultimately given. I finally had all of the documents I needed today and I found a very cheap copy/print place on the upper west side that charged me only $5.37 to print an 8x10 photo, two color resumes, a color song list, two recommendation letters, the actual application, and that price included the three envelopes I needed to make this application happen. But they didn't sell stamps. So then I had to go to the bank and lo and behold! They sell stamps at the ATM!! (Crazy, right??) So I bought stamps and needed to find a postal drop box. I walked out of the bank and there just happened to be a postman unloading his truck. I asked him where the nearest drop box was, he holds out his hand and says, "Here!" So he took my envelope for me. Of course, this entire adventure made me an hour late for my server test. So that was cool. But the application was sent.
Mignon believes I will win this competition. I have no such high hopes for my very first competition but I will do my best!! I am excited to have a performance to look forward to! She has been so good for me. My voice is sounding better than it ever had and it finally sounds like my one true voice rather than several voices I may be imitating or affecting. It's wonderful!
It's funny though, how that works. When someone has faith in you and roots for you, you can do incredible things. But when someone doubts your ability and continues to tell you you can't or won't do well, you start to believe it. Why does that work? I have always been confident in myself and my abilities and worth. What makes working at the South Fin Grill any different than singing for a teacher who doesn't care for my learning style? Or vocal color? Or work ethic? Why is it that when there is that little seed of doubt, all talent and potential go out the window. Fear and Doubt are so crippling. They are. They make the bearer feel unworthy and inadequate.
So since I'm a God-fearin', Heaven-prayin' kind of girl, would you all pray for me in this? Pray for the environment at the restaurant and that my spirits will be lifted, rather than beaten down. Pray that I do well in this competition and make a good impression on those hearing me for the first time. (It is my first debut as a young artist!) Just keep me on your mind, on your list of people to pray for. I need some extra support. The homesickness is at an all-time high and it is not looking like I will be able to go home until the Fall, if I can even afford it by then.
I know this post is not the most positive. But things are changing and things are happening. That's what I came here for, right? Change. And destiny. I firmly believe God brought me here to this place for a purpose. He gave me the Women of Christ at the church to sing with and to become friends with. He gave me a job that will pay the bills. He brought a man into my life who makes me feel beautiful and amazing and like I deserve everything in the world, though I'm not ready for a full relationship yet (which is smart on God's part since he happens to live in Europe for the moment!). So with that, I leave you with these thoughts:
Everything happens for a reason. Destiny always gets its own way. And if you step back and listen to what God and His universe are telling you, you may end up in a life you never dreamed for yourself, with blessings you never imagined. Open your heart and listen.
I've been told it is a part-time gig but some of the servers and managers seem to think it is a full time commitment. We shall see. I am just happy to have income now. I will get a check on Monday for all the training I've been doing and hopefully will get my first night of tips on Sunday night! I'm not feeling as excited as I should be though. The other waiters are trying to psych me out about how busy it can get and how crazy and they don't have confidence that I can handle it. It scares me, honestly. I'm not even sure I can. Every time I study a lot and go in confident, they rip me apart with things I don't know. They make me second guess myself at every step and I don't like functioning in that environment. It is not positive and not conducive to a confident waiter... I dunno. I'm not sure it will work out but hey it's a job for now. It will pay the bills.
Second thing: I applied for the Licia Albanese Puccini Competition in two weeks. I sent my resume and application in today. Lordy was that an adventure! Tears were cried, offense was taken, anxiety was held at bay, but forgiveness was ultimately given. I finally had all of the documents I needed today and I found a very cheap copy/print place on the upper west side that charged me only $5.37 to print an 8x10 photo, two color resumes, a color song list, two recommendation letters, the actual application, and that price included the three envelopes I needed to make this application happen. But they didn't sell stamps. So then I had to go to the bank and lo and behold! They sell stamps at the ATM!! (Crazy, right??) So I bought stamps and needed to find a postal drop box. I walked out of the bank and there just happened to be a postman unloading his truck. I asked him where the nearest drop box was, he holds out his hand and says, "Here!" So he took my envelope for me. Of course, this entire adventure made me an hour late for my server test. So that was cool. But the application was sent.
Mignon believes I will win this competition. I have no such high hopes for my very first competition but I will do my best!! I am excited to have a performance to look forward to! She has been so good for me. My voice is sounding better than it ever had and it finally sounds like my one true voice rather than several voices I may be imitating or affecting. It's wonderful!
It's funny though, how that works. When someone has faith in you and roots for you, you can do incredible things. But when someone doubts your ability and continues to tell you you can't or won't do well, you start to believe it. Why does that work? I have always been confident in myself and my abilities and worth. What makes working at the South Fin Grill any different than singing for a teacher who doesn't care for my learning style? Or vocal color? Or work ethic? Why is it that when there is that little seed of doubt, all talent and potential go out the window. Fear and Doubt are so crippling. They are. They make the bearer feel unworthy and inadequate.
So since I'm a God-fearin', Heaven-prayin' kind of girl, would you all pray for me in this? Pray for the environment at the restaurant and that my spirits will be lifted, rather than beaten down. Pray that I do well in this competition and make a good impression on those hearing me for the first time. (It is my first debut as a young artist!) Just keep me on your mind, on your list of people to pray for. I need some extra support. The homesickness is at an all-time high and it is not looking like I will be able to go home until the Fall, if I can even afford it by then.
I know this post is not the most positive. But things are changing and things are happening. That's what I came here for, right? Change. And destiny. I firmly believe God brought me here to this place for a purpose. He gave me the Women of Christ at the church to sing with and to become friends with. He gave me a job that will pay the bills. He brought a man into my life who makes me feel beautiful and amazing and like I deserve everything in the world, though I'm not ready for a full relationship yet (which is smart on God's part since he happens to live in Europe for the moment!). So with that, I leave you with these thoughts:
Everything happens for a reason. Destiny always gets its own way. And if you step back and listen to what God and His universe are telling you, you may end up in a life you never dreamed for yourself, with blessings you never imagined. Open your heart and listen.
Monday, March 25, 2013
The Price I Pay
Has anyone else ever hated a job they were grateful to get? I've started a new job at a higher-end restaurant than I have ever worked at, and it's a very frustrating process. I have to know the menu inside and out, including the wine and drink menu. I have to take my test on Wednesday. I'm not sure yet if I'm ready. They still ask a lot of questions I have to think about a little bit before I can answer. But the worst part is the training. The guy they have me training with is nice and very good at his own job but he is not a very good trainer. For example, yesterday I arrived at 4pm on time and he gave me side work to do. Then around 5:30 he comes over and tells me I'm taking tables all by myself and not to screw it up. He said I'd be fine, I knew the stuff and blah blah. But I freaked out. I was not mentally prepared to take a table yet completely alone. Then once my table was finished, I stood around waiting to be told what to do. In general, he teaches me one thing, does a completely different thing, and the other trainer has to come back and reteach me all over again. Another server had me polish and stock almost three hundred glasses. Then realized that they had to break down the tables at the end of the night and now there was no room for the glasses already out. They expect me to know things that are not on the menu. The menu they gave me is a customer menu, not a server's menu. It doesn't have all the allergies listed, it doesn't have every ingredient listed. It doesn't talk about the flavors or ideas behind the dish. I have been training for a week now and I am not prepared. They keep telling me the money is worth it but they pool their tips and get $80 a piece at the end of the night. Not going to pay my rent. All of this to say, I have no idea what I'm doing at my new job or even if it's going to work out. But I need the money so desperately, I can't afford not to see it through...
I have been living on pb&j sandwiches and pasta for weeks. I have to scrounge for quarters for the bus. Daisy eats boiled chicken breast and green beans when I can't afford dog food. Every now and then I buy myself a can of Coca Cola and a Dove dark chocolate bar as a treat. And then I kick myself for a week for spending money on so many calories and sugar, with no nutrition in sight. But it sure is delicious....
And then I realize how much time I spend on my commute. To my office job, I spend six hours a week. To the restaurant, I spend four. Nevermind the hour and a half in one direction it takes me to get to my lesson and the hour it takes me to get anywhere in the city for any other reason. That's at least thirteen hours a week I spend on commute. For comparison: at university, I spent roughly four hours a week on commute. In Austin, maybe six. Of course I had a car then and don't have to pay for gas now. But I do have to pay $2.50 per train ride and buying the monthly just isn't worth it unless I ride a train or bus at least twice per day. I don't go out enough for that.
I know that I am living my dream. I know that I am lucky to be here. And if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth it. I know all the earworms out there. But it is hard. And it is frustrating. And I don't necessarily have a direction. That's part of why I haven't been writing as much. I'm just not sure what I'm doing and I'm even less sure of what to tell you I'm doing! So bear with me while I sort my life out. It's snowing again here. I am beginning to get tired of being wet everytime I walk in a building here. But I guess that is a small price to pay to be in my dream city right?
I have been living on pb&j sandwiches and pasta for weeks. I have to scrounge for quarters for the bus. Daisy eats boiled chicken breast and green beans when I can't afford dog food. Every now and then I buy myself a can of Coca Cola and a Dove dark chocolate bar as a treat. And then I kick myself for a week for spending money on so many calories and sugar, with no nutrition in sight. But it sure is delicious....
And then I realize how much time I spend on my commute. To my office job, I spend six hours a week. To the restaurant, I spend four. Nevermind the hour and a half in one direction it takes me to get to my lesson and the hour it takes me to get anywhere in the city for any other reason. That's at least thirteen hours a week I spend on commute. For comparison: at university, I spent roughly four hours a week on commute. In Austin, maybe six. Of course I had a car then and don't have to pay for gas now. But I do have to pay $2.50 per train ride and buying the monthly just isn't worth it unless I ride a train or bus at least twice per day. I don't go out enough for that.
I know that I am living my dream. I know that I am lucky to be here. And if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth it. I know all the earworms out there. But it is hard. And it is frustrating. And I don't necessarily have a direction. That's part of why I haven't been writing as much. I'm just not sure what I'm doing and I'm even less sure of what to tell you I'm doing! So bear with me while I sort my life out. It's snowing again here. I am beginning to get tired of being wet everytime I walk in a building here. But I guess that is a small price to pay to be in my dream city right?
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Blessings and News!!
Good news!! I got the server position I wanted! It's at a restaurant on Staten Island and should pay very well. It's a high end and very busy restaurant. And as an added bonus, I have received a little bit of a break in my rent. Lucky me! I can't really divulge details but suffice it to say, I am paying only about 2/3s of what I was paying before! God is so good.
Even better news! I found an amazing church today. You know how I kept mentioning hearing church bells and how they just made me feel warm and cozy and happy? Well, today I went to that church. The service itself was extremely different than what I grew up with. More conservative in some ways, more liberal in others. It even had some completely new practices the lady next to me was kind enough to help me understand. The pastor was great. The sermon he gave was inspiring in that it had a great lesson, but it also inspired me to ask my own questions, spurring on my own Bible study this week. They asked if there were any new visitors, but I was shy and didn't say anything. At this point, an elderly lady in a bright green top turned around and pointed at me. She knew somehow I was brand new. I told her no (I didn't want to stand up in front of the whole congregation) but she found me after and asked my name. I told her Erin and she goes, "Oh a good Irish name! Are you Irish then?" And I said parts of my family were, yes. Her name was Eileen. She had a bit of an accent herself and informed me that her parents were Irish so she is American by Irish descent. She then practically ordered me to go downstairs to the fellowship hall so they could feed me and said she would meet me down there. So I exited and shook the pastor's hand. He thanked me for coming and all but shoved me down the stairs toward the fellowship hall. Not being one for turning down free food, I went.
I stood a bit awkwardly by myself until a lady named Pam came over and introduced herself. She found out I was new and I was a goner. She introduced to everyone and told them I was new and everyone was just as warm as could be!! She dragged me over and pushed coffee in my hand, then took me back and seated me right next to her at her table, all the while asking where I'm from and how I like it here, how long I'd been here, etc. and introducing me to more people inbetween. On my other side sat a lady named Soraya. The conversation flowed like we were the oldest of friends and we had a very talktive Egyptian man sitting with us who provided a very interesting element to the conversation. They told me where all the best markets were and the best parks. Sorayah has a dog and said she'd be more than willing to have doggy playdates with Daisy. Pam invited me to her bootcamp classes on T/Th evenings since I haven't found a workout routine yet and to the Women of Christ music ministry, who just happened to be meeting just after lunch.
Now Women of Christ a women's choir that performs for the church every fourth Sunday and gets invited to other churches as well. They meet every Sunday after the fellowship for rehearsal and ministry. They go and sing and pray for one another and each lady brings a scripture to share with the others for the week. It is very cool. They started to sing and I noticed their soprano section was having some trouble with the high notes. When they stopped, one lady was saying she just couldn't get up there for the day (in all fairness, they were missing about half their members). I, high notes being my specialty, offered to do it. The song was very simple and so I joined them. It felt so good to sing as a part of a group again.
If you knew me at University, you'd know I dreaded choir. I wanted to be a solo singer. But there is something about being in an ensemble working toward a common goal that is very satisfying to a musician. I finally felt at peace. The ladies were so sweet and said how much they liked my voice; they even invite me to sing with them next Sunday!!
I have never felt so welcome in my life. They accepted me into their circle, no questions asked. They were so spiritual, so genuine, and it was so uplifting to meet women I could really relate to. I felt at peace in a way I didn't know I had missed so much. God definitely has something planned for me here, I just wish I knew what it was. For now, my apartment is amazing, this church is exactly what I needed (and only two minutes walk from my front door), and I finally have a second job that will pay the missing half of my living expenses. I am so blessed.
Even better news! I found an amazing church today. You know how I kept mentioning hearing church bells and how they just made me feel warm and cozy and happy? Well, today I went to that church. The service itself was extremely different than what I grew up with. More conservative in some ways, more liberal in others. It even had some completely new practices the lady next to me was kind enough to help me understand. The pastor was great. The sermon he gave was inspiring in that it had a great lesson, but it also inspired me to ask my own questions, spurring on my own Bible study this week. They asked if there were any new visitors, but I was shy and didn't say anything. At this point, an elderly lady in a bright green top turned around and pointed at me. She knew somehow I was brand new. I told her no (I didn't want to stand up in front of the whole congregation) but she found me after and asked my name. I told her Erin and she goes, "Oh a good Irish name! Are you Irish then?" And I said parts of my family were, yes. Her name was Eileen. She had a bit of an accent herself and informed me that her parents were Irish so she is American by Irish descent. She then practically ordered me to go downstairs to the fellowship hall so they could feed me and said she would meet me down there. So I exited and shook the pastor's hand. He thanked me for coming and all but shoved me down the stairs toward the fellowship hall. Not being one for turning down free food, I went.
I stood a bit awkwardly by myself until a lady named Pam came over and introduced herself. She found out I was new and I was a goner. She introduced to everyone and told them I was new and everyone was just as warm as could be!! She dragged me over and pushed coffee in my hand, then took me back and seated me right next to her at her table, all the while asking where I'm from and how I like it here, how long I'd been here, etc. and introducing me to more people inbetween. On my other side sat a lady named Soraya. The conversation flowed like we were the oldest of friends and we had a very talktive Egyptian man sitting with us who provided a very interesting element to the conversation. They told me where all the best markets were and the best parks. Sorayah has a dog and said she'd be more than willing to have doggy playdates with Daisy. Pam invited me to her bootcamp classes on T/Th evenings since I haven't found a workout routine yet and to the Women of Christ music ministry, who just happened to be meeting just after lunch.
Now Women of Christ a women's choir that performs for the church every fourth Sunday and gets invited to other churches as well. They meet every Sunday after the fellowship for rehearsal and ministry. They go and sing and pray for one another and each lady brings a scripture to share with the others for the week. It is very cool. They started to sing and I noticed their soprano section was having some trouble with the high notes. When they stopped, one lady was saying she just couldn't get up there for the day (in all fairness, they were missing about half their members). I, high notes being my specialty, offered to do it. The song was very simple and so I joined them. It felt so good to sing as a part of a group again.
If you knew me at University, you'd know I dreaded choir. I wanted to be a solo singer. But there is something about being in an ensemble working toward a common goal that is very satisfying to a musician. I finally felt at peace. The ladies were so sweet and said how much they liked my voice; they even invite me to sing with them next Sunday!!
I have never felt so welcome in my life. They accepted me into their circle, no questions asked. They were so spiritual, so genuine, and it was so uplifting to meet women I could really relate to. I felt at peace in a way I didn't know I had missed so much. God definitely has something planned for me here, I just wish I knew what it was. For now, my apartment is amazing, this church is exactly what I needed (and only two minutes walk from my front door), and I finally have a second job that will pay the missing half of my living expenses. I am so blessed.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Update and Satire (Only mildly exaggerated)
Hey friends! So sorry I haven't been posting. I have a million excuses and no real reasons but I will try to catch you up without boring you to tears!
On the music front, I have been sick and have only within the past few days been feeling better. Apparently it happens to a lot of non-newyorkers who haven't been exposed to subway travel or come into contact with quite so many people before. That being said, my vocal cords are fine. I have a bit of lingering chest congestion, and coughing makes trying to sing an excruciating process. I want to sing and vocally I feel fine; but if I take too deep a breath I start coughing or simply can't get enough breath to move the air. I have my lesson with Mignon on Saturday after two weeks of not seeing her. I will ask her then what she recommends and hopefully I will not be prevented from using my lesson time well!
-=-
On the job front, I simply have no news. It is beyond me why in a city full of people concerned about their time, so much of mine has been wasted. I have gone on interviews and slogged through the ad sites trying to find a decent person who will give me work to no avail. My work at the computer maintenance company is great. I love the office and my boss, the girls I work with are smart and nice people. But they can only afford to give me so many hours. Lucky for me (though not for them), half the office has been dealing with a cold, the flu, and pinkeye so I have been able to jump in and help where I can. I am learning quickly but there is just no substitute for experience. Story of my life, right? But my boss is proud of me and the work I do. My computer skills are apparently greater than your average worker's so I do bring some knowledge to my position. But I still need another source of income. Several less than appealing opportunities have presented themselves lately, but there are some that I just can't bring myself to do. I guess I ended up with a moral compass after all.
-=-
On a somewhat related note, living within a certain budget has not always been easy for me. I have always managed to find a way to make ends meet, and still have Starbucks money to spare. This time, however, I am not so lucky. The real world is cold and unforgiving. Rent is an ever-looming obligation and I have never thought about the cost of food more in my life. Since rent itself is double my current income, I live on peanut butter and juice. I splurge on the occasional craving (and by splurge I mean spend more than five dollars on one sweet dessert or strawberries-- my personal weakness) but for the most part I have been good. But I am definitely learning how to be a starving artist.
-=-
Now about the subways. It is extraordinary how much fun I have watching people on the subways. I am a total snoop! I just love to peep at people's iphones and blackberries, reading their facebook feeds, seeing what music they listen to, trying to write a mental dossier on their lives just by observing their manner and phone content. It is so much fun! Today, in fact, I caught a super macho man in his workout gear with a basketball in his sloppy, unzipped gym bag listening to Beyonce. Priceless. So, here are a few things I have observed and kept a list of in now particular order:
--There was a man who appeared to have a home, though I assumed not much of one. His clothes were mostly clean at least but out of fashion, unmatched, and extremely well-worn (strange for NYC). That being said, this man was wearing tennis shoes-- without socks. How do I know this? Because he took them off. His legs were ashier than Pompeii and his feet looked like they were home to more fungi than a mushroom farm. And then he scratched them. Not just once, maybe twice and put the shoe back on. No... I wish. He scratched and rubbed his bare feet for the better part of three stops on the express train, leaving a dirty pile of skin flakes on the floor and the most abominable odor to waft across the measly five feet of subway air, already atrocious in quality on its own, to where I was trapped. I had to change cars. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. We had a good awkward laugh.
--You will never experience wrath like that of New Yorkers waiting for a train that finally comes and blows right through the station without so much as a warning of arrival, followed by ten minutes of outrage while we waited for the next train.
--There is a guy who rides the 4 express in Manhattan, who in his phone, has someone saved as "Babymama." No lie. She had recently sent him a three paragraph long text and he replied with one word. Wonder what happened there....
--The subway at rush hour is ruthless. Especially in the evening because everyone is tired and mad at their boss (or so I assume). One lady, in a crowded subway car no less, was perturbed that my bag was touching her. So she turns around with all the New York attitude she could muster and says, "Miss, do you MIND?" Of course I mind. You're on a crowded subway. If you don't want to be touched or squashed by people you don't know, take a cab.
--If you don't speak English properly and that's why you don't understand the rules, you have no right to have attitude and throw a princess fit. Ferry or not.
--New Yorkers are bold. I'm not talking liquid courage bold, I'm talking people (men in particular) frequently stop to say, "Miss, you are so beautiful." "Ma'am, you're hot." "Damn, you lookin' fine witchyo big brown eyes." In the morning on my way to work. On my lunch break. On my way home from work. On my way to dinner. Walking my dog. Waiting for the ferry. On the ferry. And in many of these places, I'm stuck. I can't very well jump off the ferry or out of a train in motion. So I play nice and put on my best southern accent and tell them how much I 'ppreciate the compliment. And then I act like I'm deaf. I act like I'm deaf until I'm blue in the face.... Or something like that.
--Actresses look hungry. And I don't mean starving, although half of them look that way too. Actresses want to act so desperately. You can pick them out of a crowd. No offense to my actress friends, I love you all dearly. But there is something about actresses in New York that have this crazy hungry look in their eye like they will do anything to make a name for themselves. Just like DJs will hand anyone a card who will listen to them introduce themselves. And certain public transportation users will risk their own hearing for the sake of looking cool or pretending they're not on public transportation. Moms look tired. Businessmen look empty. Musicians look like they are torn between doubt and hope.
And new yorkers as a whole, are lethal with umbrellas.
-=-
That's all I've got for now. I hope you are smiling and telling the ones you love you love them. At the end of the day, sometimes a brat just needs a hug or a distant friend a phone call.
On the music front, I have been sick and have only within the past few days been feeling better. Apparently it happens to a lot of non-newyorkers who haven't been exposed to subway travel or come into contact with quite so many people before. That being said, my vocal cords are fine. I have a bit of lingering chest congestion, and coughing makes trying to sing an excruciating process. I want to sing and vocally I feel fine; but if I take too deep a breath I start coughing or simply can't get enough breath to move the air. I have my lesson with Mignon on Saturday after two weeks of not seeing her. I will ask her then what she recommends and hopefully I will not be prevented from using my lesson time well!
-=-
On the job front, I simply have no news. It is beyond me why in a city full of people concerned about their time, so much of mine has been wasted. I have gone on interviews and slogged through the ad sites trying to find a decent person who will give me work to no avail. My work at the computer maintenance company is great. I love the office and my boss, the girls I work with are smart and nice people. But they can only afford to give me so many hours. Lucky for me (though not for them), half the office has been dealing with a cold, the flu, and pinkeye so I have been able to jump in and help where I can. I am learning quickly but there is just no substitute for experience. Story of my life, right? But my boss is proud of me and the work I do. My computer skills are apparently greater than your average worker's so I do bring some knowledge to my position. But I still need another source of income. Several less than appealing opportunities have presented themselves lately, but there are some that I just can't bring myself to do. I guess I ended up with a moral compass after all.
-=-
On a somewhat related note, living within a certain budget has not always been easy for me. I have always managed to find a way to make ends meet, and still have Starbucks money to spare. This time, however, I am not so lucky. The real world is cold and unforgiving. Rent is an ever-looming obligation and I have never thought about the cost of food more in my life. Since rent itself is double my current income, I live on peanut butter and juice. I splurge on the occasional craving (and by splurge I mean spend more than five dollars on one sweet dessert or strawberries-- my personal weakness) but for the most part I have been good. But I am definitely learning how to be a starving artist.
-=-
Now about the subways. It is extraordinary how much fun I have watching people on the subways. I am a total snoop! I just love to peep at people's iphones and blackberries, reading their facebook feeds, seeing what music they listen to, trying to write a mental dossier on their lives just by observing their manner and phone content. It is so much fun! Today, in fact, I caught a super macho man in his workout gear with a basketball in his sloppy, unzipped gym bag listening to Beyonce. Priceless. So, here are a few things I have observed and kept a list of in now particular order:
--There was a man who appeared to have a home, though I assumed not much of one. His clothes were mostly clean at least but out of fashion, unmatched, and extremely well-worn (strange for NYC). That being said, this man was wearing tennis shoes-- without socks. How do I know this? Because he took them off. His legs were ashier than Pompeii and his feet looked like they were home to more fungi than a mushroom farm. And then he scratched them. Not just once, maybe twice and put the shoe back on. No... I wish. He scratched and rubbed his bare feet for the better part of three stops on the express train, leaving a dirty pile of skin flakes on the floor and the most abominable odor to waft across the measly five feet of subway air, already atrocious in quality on its own, to where I was trapped. I had to change cars. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. We had a good awkward laugh.
--You will never experience wrath like that of New Yorkers waiting for a train that finally comes and blows right through the station without so much as a warning of arrival, followed by ten minutes of outrage while we waited for the next train.
--There is a guy who rides the 4 express in Manhattan, who in his phone, has someone saved as "Babymama." No lie. She had recently sent him a three paragraph long text and he replied with one word. Wonder what happened there....
--The subway at rush hour is ruthless. Especially in the evening because everyone is tired and mad at their boss (or so I assume). One lady, in a crowded subway car no less, was perturbed that my bag was touching her. So she turns around with all the New York attitude she could muster and says, "Miss, do you MIND?" Of course I mind. You're on a crowded subway. If you don't want to be touched or squashed by people you don't know, take a cab.
--If you don't speak English properly and that's why you don't understand the rules, you have no right to have attitude and throw a princess fit. Ferry or not.
--New Yorkers are bold. I'm not talking liquid courage bold, I'm talking people (men in particular) frequently stop to say, "Miss, you are so beautiful." "Ma'am, you're hot." "Damn, you lookin' fine witchyo big brown eyes." In the morning on my way to work. On my lunch break. On my way home from work. On my way to dinner. Walking my dog. Waiting for the ferry. On the ferry. And in many of these places, I'm stuck. I can't very well jump off the ferry or out of a train in motion. So I play nice and put on my best southern accent and tell them how much I 'ppreciate the compliment. And then I act like I'm deaf. I act like I'm deaf until I'm blue in the face.... Or something like that.
--Actresses look hungry. And I don't mean starving, although half of them look that way too. Actresses want to act so desperately. You can pick them out of a crowd. No offense to my actress friends, I love you all dearly. But there is something about actresses in New York that have this crazy hungry look in their eye like they will do anything to make a name for themselves. Just like DJs will hand anyone a card who will listen to them introduce themselves. And certain public transportation users will risk their own hearing for the sake of looking cool or pretending they're not on public transportation. Moms look tired. Businessmen look empty. Musicians look like they are torn between doubt and hope.
And new yorkers as a whole, are lethal with umbrellas.
-=-
That's all I've got for now. I hope you are smiling and telling the ones you love you love them. At the end of the day, sometimes a brat just needs a hug or a distant friend a phone call.
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